When Reality Starts Setting In

"Grace sometimes looks at me and says "Can you believe that this is our life?"

When a new chapter in your life begins, it's fun. It has a sense of adventure and excitement. People are happy for me and encouraging me in the work.

And this is very needed to get started in anything, whether that be a new school, new job, or new location.

But shortly after that reality starts to set in, this is where the real living begins. This is when you see what it is really like without rose-color glasses.

This is when things start getting real.

The past few weeks things have gotten real.

Today in our staff meeting one of my employees turned to me and said "If we can't all get along than its probably better if I leave"

It's as easy as that right?

Leaving is easy, a quick solution. Over and done with.

But leaving is rarely the answer.

Leaving causes hurt and doesn't leave space for closure. Leaving is easy, but leaving leaves scares.

I began to explain to all my employees, leaving is not the answer. 

We are human, we are created with sin, God did not want us to work together so we can point out each others sin and than find a quick solution by leaving.

God wants us to work together despite our flesh, despite our harsh words. Humbly realizing we all are sinners in desperate need of grace.

I wanted to say to him "Do you want to know how many times I have wanted to leave, but I am still here?"

It's true it sounds like a good answer but please show me in the bible where this is taught because thats not the bible I read.

Maybe instead of automatically thinking we should leave, we should find solutions to the problems. Or humble ourselves enough to see maybe we are the problem?

Today I cried for the first time in a staff meeting. When I saw my employees turning to each other one at a time, asking each other to forgive them, embracing each other, and than all of us praying for each other. Sticking it out and not leaving is worth it. 

Last week I wanted to leave, I almost threw in the towel. Twice.

Being robbed of all my missionaries salary of a whole month, spending countless hours at the police station and than in court. I kept thinking, "I'm a 22 year old white girl, what am I doing in court?"

Some nights I would just lay in bed and think "God I can't do it anymore"

But God is faithful to people who are faithful to Him.

Faithfully loving, faithfully serving, and faithfully doing The Will.

We are called to love and show grace right where we are. We don't have to go do missions or have mountain high experiences to faithful to the work of our Savior. 

If you think about His life, it wasn't very glamourous. He came down to Earth from a majestical place, lived the life of a peasant and died the death of a criminal.  

Love people as He has loved you just where you are.

Be Faithful to Him because He is always Faithful to you.

We finally came to a decision in court, and I got to set a guilty man free. His parents pleaded with me that jail would be worse for him and asked me if I would send him to rehab. Pray for this young man as he now saw me show grace where grace was not deserved. Pray for his family as they pay back the debt equal to a yearly salary for a dominican. Pray for this situation as this man is in my life and one of my employees is mentoring him. Pray for his soul, because ultimately thats what really matters.

When Grace says that, she says it sarcastically because sometimes the pain, the hurt, and the frustrations just don't seem real here. I turn to her and say "no I can't believe it"

But even though I usually drag myself to bed at night because I physically can't do one more thing that day, He always always always gives me strength for the next day.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:34

Through It All He is Faithful

Faithfulness - Adhering firmly and devotedly, Worthy of trust or belief; reliable, Consistent with truth or actuality

These are the things of Christ. While I am an emotional roller-coaster, He stays the same. While I am unloving, and angry, He is always loving and consistently showing me His love. He is my rock while I am shifting sand.

Let me give you some examples of His faithfulness and my lack there of.

We began having weekly staff meetings as a coffee shop. I thought they were needed and found out that they were. But not exactly how I would have wanted them to go, I walk away from them every week and have to ask the question “Did that accomplish anything?”. Because sometimes actions speak louder words and we can all agree on one thing and the next day get back into the exact same routine as before. This week while walking into the meeting I didn’t even want to go. My type A personality was frustrated in thinking it would be pointless. I was in for a wake up call when the employees started thanking me for the weekly meetings, telling me how great and helpful they have been. Who would have known!

Or let me tell you of the boys/man/grampas that come in daily asking for these two American girls names, telling us we are beautiful and even being blunt enough to tell us they want to have babies with us or that we would make good wives. But let me tell you about Nova, a man who comes in everyday to read his paper. Who loves us, and a few days ago pulled aside a young man who was whistling at Gracie and started asking him questions such as “do you work?” “Do you love Jesus?” “You’re 14 stop trying to hit on this 18 year old” “And to have more respect for people”. Being respected by your regular customers is God being faithful, showing us we have people who love us and are there to protect us, this is just one example of how these people have embraced us with loving arms.

Let me tell you a story of God being faithful and calling His people to Himself. Luciano is one of our employees, every opportunity he gets to share Christ with someone he takes it. He humbles me. He has been talking to this one man for quite some time now and on Saturday night there was a fiesta in heaven because in little Hato Mayor, in Café del Rey, this man gave his life to Christ. This is God being faithful. This is the God I serve. And this is the God who is showing He works through faithful followers.

I can go on and on about the amount of faithfulness I have been blown away by. I just keep praying that I am faithful. Because its not about how many mochas we sell, or fretting about “Dominican time”, or worrying about money. What matters is to love the Lord God with all your heart, love you neighbor as yourself, and to spread the gospel. This is what we need to be about, because it is plain to see that this is what God is about. We are called to love people, young, old, rich, or poor.

It’s amazing to see the power of prayer. People here think “crazy” people should be cast out or frowned upon. It was amazing to watch our employees’ eyes as I began talking to this people. We have a man Noel come in almost everyday, sure everyday he asks me for five pesos (Noel that will not help anything) but I give him coffee for free and ask him how he is doing that day. He might be crazy, but we crazy love him right back because he is an image bearer of God just like me. We have a women who some believe is demon possessed come in at night, she will grab peoples drinks right out of their hand and drink them, she will blankly stare at you. My employees suggested we should just give her whatever she wants and get her out of there. I suggested let’s pray. She still comes in but has been disruptive. Sure she is crazy, but we are called to love people no matter how they act or what they look like. Thank goodness God does because if He didn’t I would never be going to heaven!

Yes we are called to work hard, and believe me we do down here, every night I crawl to my bed exhausted and just pray for enough strength to do it all again tomorrow. God shows His faithfulness through this as well.

And when He realizes it’s too much for us, He allows us to go to the beach, to baseball games, to have friends like Jessica, parties with Dominican music and friends, and go to bible studies. He understands we can’t exhaust ourselves of life because how could we be giving our best when we are on our last string. Again showing His Faithfulness.

Psalm 119:89-90

Forever, O Lord,

Your word is settled in heaven.

You faithfulness endures to all generations.

You established the earth, and it abides

He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Thank God He never changes.

Updates from Cafe del Rey

After traveling around a little bit in my few years of life. I have realized people are people everywhere. Everywhere from China to Chile, from Germany to Guatemala, and from Denmark to the Dominican Republic people are people. We go to work, we have families, we have churches and stores, we have problems with our families, money, our churches. Everywhere people are just trying to get by and make it in this difficult, sin infested world.

And in Hato Mayor it is the same.

We are working hard, we are sharing the gospel, and going to church, and going to the grocery store. Girls go to hair solons and boys go to hardware stores. At Cafe del Rey we clean dishes, sweep floors and make food and coffee.

Instilling in a person who has no experience in the business world simple business skills is easier said than done. I didn't realize the amount of patience I need for my job. 

When they came to me and asked me if I could take over the financial side of the business because they aren't very good at it, I knew this was going to be more like a marathon than a sprint.

But slowly and surely we are learning, the human brain is an amazing thing. You are instilled your whole life that this is the sure way of doing something and than someone teaches you something different although your brain resists over time you can learn. Kind of like my spanish. Its honestly amazing.

I have gotten to teach them what controlling expenses looks like. And if we start off the day with 3000 pesos and end with 1500 pesos, just because we have pesos in the cash register does not mean we made money. Also if we are buying all the ingredients to make a pastelones for 61 pesos and selling them at 50 pesos we are actually losing money, no matter how many we sell that day. And the big work in progress right now is, if someone asks for a frappuccino, they want it to be the same as it was yesterday, consistency, consistency, consistency. 

And our money is slowly becoming consistent. We are learning how to cut costs, put money aside for savings, and also how to control our spending. Its an uphill battle, but over time I have faith.

As soon as you think they get it, they go back to their old ways. But thats where the patience comes in, they want to do whats comfortable and what they are use to, change is hard.

It is so parallel to how Our Father is with us. 

His patiences with us blows my mind. How often and quick I am to fall back into my old ways, my old sins and He patiently shows me the right way again. 

Although I love my job, I love being part of the business, I love doing cost analysis, spread sheets, and fixing problem after problem after problem everyday. What I love most is sharing the gospel. What I love most is showing people the way, the only way to get to heaven. So I started a bible study, although I'm not fluent in my spanish yet, it is beginning in english for our missionaries here and anyone else who wants to join. 

Please keep Cafe del Rey your prayers as we progress.

A Starving Nation

Before reading this post just remember that I have only been here a little over a month. I do not claim to have all the answers, this is just my observations, they are allowed to change in the months to come.


From an American observation.


This is a starving country. 

Here people are fed off of rice, plantains, bread, and potatoes. Full carbs with barely any nutrients. Complete with processed meats, mostly salami.

We are eating very much and starving ourselves at the same time. We are eating things that look like food and smell like food but aren't actually good for us. This is the same as America, don't get me wrong McDonalds isn't exactly healthy. But I think as Americans we have a lot of research and studies showing what foods are good and bad for you. Here they just encourage you to eat more. We are starving ourselves by over eating.

Here no one carries around money or minutes. There is no embarrassment with someone asking to use your phone because they ran out of minutes. They usually ask me and I am sure it has something with an American white girl, she has to have minutes. I run out of minutes and money faster when I have it, I have learned its better not to carry it.

Here putting 25 pesos of gas in your tank is perfectly acceptable and no one looks at you like anything is wrong. Sure in America I did that when I was 16 and had no money and wanted to take my friends cruising. But men who should be financially stable doing it? Here people are in so much debt and the interest rates are so high they will also being paying off INTEREST. Here people put on a show like they have much when really they go home to matted one room houses and face reality once again. Here if you have money you spend it, there is no word such as saving here.

I am not telling you anything new, most people all around the world suffer from the same problems with different appearances.

But here just like most places around the world there is a Spiritual Starvation.

I have not found a solid church and don't know if I will ever will for a while. I am on my knees about this everyday. The pentecostal movement has taken the DR by storm and has left false hope and a false God. We are starving ourselves of our salvation.

Oh how desperate we are in need of biblical pastors to feed starving christians.
How desperate we are for shepherds to lead flocks through the bible, study it, preach it and live it.

Right now and for the past ten days there has been a festival going on in Hato Mayor, everyone keeps telling me how bad it is, but I have never gotten an answer as to why it is bad..."lots of drinking" "Someone died once at it" these are the answers I hear.

Christian stay far away and just say things like its bad. (Don't worry Jan I didn't go, doesn't mean I didn't want to)

I think, "Where would Jesus be if this festival was going on back than?"

You think he would be running for his house and locking himself up for 14 days until its over?

I highly doubt it. Aren't we suppose to love the sinners? For what are we? Sinners. Where is grace?

But how will they know they need to go love the least of these if they are not taught? How can they be taught if there is no one to teach?

Where do we start?

We need the Lord desperately in these starving nations.

Be Still and Know That He is God

Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.

- William Carey, May 1792

We are not called to do great things, we are called to attempt great things and lean on God completely through it all.
Apart from him we can do nothing, so why stray from His path?

These past few weeks have been difficult in the DR business world.
I have taken on the Dominican part of financials and accounting for Whitefields Dominican. I thought it was a pretty easy tasks and something that even dominicans admit is not their strong spot, so I was hoping to relief with my skills.
Wow was a wrong, I keep telling Grace and Justin the littlest things here people make hard and confusing. It's very true.
How in the world it is possible to close the cash register at the end of the night with a certain amount and open the next morning with a different amount has me completely stumped. I tried for three weeks straight to figure out the mystery but I can't seem to grasp it. I hate when numbers don't match up

Luciano's explanation is the best we have so far.
He says in his broken english
"Da peoples in America praise (pray) for Cafe del Rey. "Oh Jesus be with dos peoples."And in the morning, God gives us more money!" Him and Justin were going to try and put their wallets in the cash register over night because they have no money and hopefully in the morning there would be some, according to his theory.

I thought about adding a column to my spread sheets for "Money God left us over night"

Although they are all comic relief at the end of the day they are not the ones who need to numbers to match up. I am. Pulling my hair out.

But the other side of my job is my numeric relief. Marketing for the coffee shop is lots of fun. We had a party the one night after church there. We are having one of our friends Mali a very talented musician from our church come and play Sep 28th, which is a day to celebrate the bible all over Hato Mayor, we are sending out flyers and inviting one and all.

After our staff meeting, we all realized how needed they are and decided to have them weekly. To go over things, pray, and share needs with each other. Our employees love the coffeeshop and they really do want to see it grow and they want to teach people the gospel, they just explained to us that they need our help to do this.

I am slowly getting use to the climate, the language, and the culture.
And of course Erin is helping us with supplying us hot showers, the tennis channel and Krispy Kreme doughnuts :) our little America is at Erin's house.

I have decided to start a bible study in the Cafe, and a few other people have come in the Cafe asking if they can start bible studies there as well.

God is good and as I keep close to my bible and read my biographies on real missionaries its encouraging to see that our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He has done amazing things and continues to do so. Its in the hard days encouraging verses such as
Psalms 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

At the end of the day He is still reigning on the throne. Thank Him for that!
At the end of the day no matter how frustrated and how ungraceful I was and how sorry I am for being such a wretched sinner, it is comforting to know that He is the faithful one, I am not. And that even the least of these He can use for His glory, of whom I am among. God doesn't use great people as Carey explained, God uses people who attempt, He is the one that has to ultimately and alway  provides.

So I challenge everyone just like William Carey has challenged me, 
Except great things from God, attempt great things for God!

"Walk Humbly With Your God"

"I believe in the doctrine of election, because I am quite certain that, if God had not chosen me, I should have never chosen Him; and I am sure He chose me before I was born, or else He never would have chosen me afterwards; and He must have elected me for reason unknown to me, for I never could find any reason in myself why He should have looked upon me with special love."

-Charles Spurgeon

God has been good to me. To the me who fails Him daily. To the me who always says the wrong thing. But especially to the me who thought I was going to come down here and save Hato Mayor.

God humbles people, and has all the right to. This is harder than I thought and I am so thankful for that. My purpose was not to come and all of a sudden there be amazing changes and credit completely due to me. My pride got a hold of me, which pride is one of the most deeply rooted sins we have and it is so easy for it to get ahold of your and twist your actions.

But oh how God humbles, while sitting in a church about a week ago I found my mind running to places it shouldn't. To the place of judgement, to saying that this church service is shallow, and asking is their worship genuine or is it more like putting on a show? and this is really different, it can't be real worship. And than a thought crossed my mind and I thought about what would He say while He is hearing my thoughts right now, I thought He would say "These are my people, how dare you question, how dare you judge people who are loving me to the best of their ability?" 

Humbled in the presence of God.

A few days later I found myself in the Cafe shoulders high in dishes. And they just kept coming, but they were throwing them right into the sink that was already over flowing, not on the counter right beside? I found myself getting angry and my actions were speaking louder than my words. At one point Victoria brought over a plate and I just took it and put it on the counter in anger. She quietly picked it up and again put it into the sink the destination she wanted before. I wanted to get angry, but I found myself giving thanks for her, and maybe there was a reason they wanted to put them right into the sink? they told me didn't want all the food to stick to the plates if they sat on the counter and were trying to make it easier for me.... 

Humbled again. 

And as I tried desperately to change how our inventory control was in the first three weeks. Trying to change a system in three weeks that has been going on for three months and yesterday we ran out of almost all the food because of all my "amazing changes"

 I was once again humbled.

I am nothing without Christ. I am certain as Mr. Spurgeon said I would not have chosen Him if He did not chose me, and why He would choose an ugly sinner like myself. I am still uncertain, but thank God He did. 

Who ever said being a missionary would be cool and fun lied to you. 

It is hard, and you cry a lot and everyday I must passionately love my Savior and remember to lean on Him for every single thing in my life. I also am trying to remember to thank Him often. Thank Him for this place, for these beautiful people, for the mind He has given me. For my ability to comprehend, for my health. The list could literally go on forever.

We serve a great God.

And He makes beautiful people.

He makes people with financial problems, family problems, and work problems.

He makes people the same all over though, the Dominican people are the same as the people all over the world, they wake up in the morning, they go to work, they go to the store, they even go to the gym (that was an experience), they eat, they drink, they talk, they go to school, they even run tv programs. they are very smart, and when it rains to hard school is cancelled.

 

He makes people like Victoria, who cries daily because of her husband. He just now returned from Ecuador where he was a missionary. He fell sick there and was even in a coma for a little bit. Victoria who is from Ecuador was at the point where she was selling everything even her house to be able to have the correct papers to get over there. She finally now has peace because he is finally here.

It sounds like a touching story until you see it played out in front of you.
I mean can you even imagine if your spouse of in coma in another country and you had no way to get to them? I couldn't.


People are the same everywhere. And we are all trying to just serve the Lord with all we have.

Sunday we are having a party at the Cafe and I asked Luciano "What is the party for?"

He answer without a pause, "To celebrate Jesus" me and Gracie laughed, but isn't it true? Do we really need another reason than all the reasons He has already given us to celebrate Him?

A Week of Silence

We are called to live boldly.

Stepping off that plane I realized I have no idea what I am getting into.
When I realized that communication broke down and the American that was going to help me with the language left for the US the day after I got there, I really had no idea what I was doing.

New environment, new temperature, new work hours, new language, new people. But I have been here before, I know what I'm getting into right?

God has a funny sense of humor thats for sure.

My spanish that I thought was mildly "Ok" turned into only ten words that are regularly used in everyday conversation. My patience is being tested daily, along with my anger, love, kindness, and communication.

I haven't seen one American in over five days. Also no english, I realized what the mute and deaf feel like, its a terrible feeling, sitting right next to people while their are having a conversation you cannot enter. Not that they don't want you to, there is just no way to help each other.

Being patience is frustrating and I realize that on both sides. I realized that I am just as frustrated as they are. Except for Luciano, he is just as eager to learn english as I am spanish. He is my ray of sunshine, and is a practical jokester, although I love all my employees Luciano is my breath of fresh air. He reminds me daily that we all have Christ in common and this sole reason is why we are trying to help each other, it is still difficult.

Daniel is the worker, I have never seen anyone pour as much heart into something before in my life, he is the manger and he takes his job very seriously, he told me he was so excited the United States sent me because he needs my help to get him organized (a word that is not in Dominican vocabulary, and is taught unorganization from birth.) An Example, there was a huge ant and cockroach problem in the cafe when I first showed up, I was gaging at the syrup there was over 200 ants swimming in it, Victory yelled at me when she saw I was throwing it away and proceeded to pick out the ants individually and than made a drink with the same syrup.....I stood there in shock...

They had no idea why huge cockroaches were everywhere, but they didn't care about the ants at all, ants are a way of life, they are just in everything. Mind blown and disgusted I couldn't take it. I spent an entire day cleaning the shop, after about a week I think we are better off at least, it took us a week to finally remember at the end of every night to put the syrup into the fridge.

Victory calls herself my mother, she commands me to eat and has made me cook more in one week than I have in my entire life. I have mashed more yuka in one week than I have ever mashed potatoes. I can make banana bread with my eyes close and even these planteones (mashed up banana, with meat inside, cover in seaweed) Victory says they taste like fish, I just gag.

The locals have to think I'm crazy, I sleep all the time because the sun makes me so tired, I am always sweating, and the huge spiders in my bathroom, ya I scream and run away.

But God is faithful, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and praise Him for it. He is the same in the Dominican as in the United States, He is the same in loneliness, sadness, and stepping out of comfort zones as he is in the comfort of our own home, with cell phones that actually work, with an abundance of running water and electricity that doesn't fail twice a day.

We are all in need of much grace and guidance daily from our Lord. That was my prayer this week, "God feel free to use me in anyway you can. I cannot communicate with this people, but show me what you want me to do today."

He never fails to be there for you, on Thursday I was so frustrated at the shop and almost in tear, crying out to God for help and on cue in walks Pepilo, and than all the pastors follow, and Ana. A breath of fresh air as they worshipped, prayed, and discussed together.
A while later that same day in walks Clinton, an American who works for MGM, he said don't worry you will get the language just enjoy not having to talk all the time now, because as soon as you can talk, they will make you. A laugh of relief to know others have been through this before.

Every meal eaten with Ney's family has been eaten in silence because of the barrier, but grace has a tendency of breaking down barriers and a few nights ago we begun to speak in each others broken foreign language. And God won again. While I taught them the card game spoons and laughter became a world wide language, God won again.

He is a great God and I have so much to give thanks for. No use complaining because daily the barrier is being broken little by little. Daily little graces are shown and daily we are all just trying to love our Savior and spread the love to others.

We are called to live boldly. And by His grace daily I am giving it my best.

How do you prepare to move to another country?

Preparing to go to a place you have never lived before is very difficult. Not only do you have to pack a whole different wardrobe but it is all you think about in the weeks leading up to the move. What is my normal day going to look like? Will I be accepted? And most importantly is this God's Will for my life. How can you be sure of that?
I know my heart is down in the Dominican Republic, but is that enough? Or is this Satan just putting doubts into my head. He has been coming on pretty strong lately. Having me wrestle through things I shouldn't be wrestling with when preparing to go on the mission field.
But God's Grace covers over all, He will guide me on His path. Whom shall I fear?

Cleaning out my closet and donating 5 trash bags to the local Good Shepard center allows me to really feel what the Rich Young Ruler had to give up. Although this is just "stuff" its hard letting go, letting go of art you created in high school, or cheerleading pictures, or lifeguard t-shirts from my summer job. But it is also a relief, it is showing God I am giving up my comfort for You. These things will have no meaning in a few short years but the relationships and the gospel I spread that lasts forever. These are eternal things and that is what I was made for.

I am thankful for this opportunity and am just honored to be apart of His plan.

I think back on the life I have lived and think why. Why has God given me this calling, I am so unworthy to be a missionary and so ill equipped. He truly does call the least of these to be His servants and I am living proof of that.
Over and over again this past two months He has proven my worth as a child of God, bringing in support. People who encourage me, pray with me, and ask if I need anything to please call them. I am so thankful for the body of believers and how they are behind me, but more importantly they are behind God.
They believe in me because they know He believes in me, and that is the biggest reason I am going.

I have been in constant prayer for this Coffee Shop, all aspects of it, the customers, the employees, but most important the Gospel. I am going down to love thes

e people that God has made and loves dearly. I am going there because John 4:35 says that the fields are already white for harvest!

The question shouldn't be "Should I go?" The question should be "Why should I not go?"

God wants us to share the Gospel in all Nations.

I.Will.Go.